As a New Mexico arbitrator and mediator, I see a lot of conflict that arises from a variety of sources, and I also work to keep up with new (and old but shifting) theories of conflict. I recently had the pleasure of attending a teleseminar by Maria Simpson, Ph.D.," discussing identity-based conflict," as opposed to resource-based conflict, as a "less well-understood" but very significant dynamic of conflict. What she teaches can add a lot to our understanding of the sources of and effective responses to conflict.
Ms. Simpson began with general principles, noting that the more widely understood sources of conflict or definitions of conflict dynamics concern:
1. disputes over limited resources;
2. power;
3. injustice (e.g., bias, discrimination); and
4. cultural differences.
Then she discussed the most basic ways conflict is discussed and analyzed currently, in terms of:
1. positions (what is wanted; quantifiable and resource-based);
2. interests (why the resource is wanted; qualitative, often emotion-based); and
3. core beliefs (values, principles, religion, ethnicity, etc., which provide the framework for party decisions).
However, she urged that a less well-understood but perhaps more fundamental element of conflict is that attributable to identity. Identity is "an internal story to ourselves," "based on how we think about ourselves, who we are, [and] how we present ourselves to others."
Simpson posited that conflict usually arises in response to, and because the need to defend against, a challenge or harm to our identity. Accordingly, if mediation does not repair that damage to identity there will be no true, lasting "resolution." This is because while "agreement" exists or is made at the action level (John will do X, Cindy will do Y), the longer lasting "resolution" resides at the emotional level and requires that identity needs be addressed.
There are a number of interesting aspect of identity. to keep in mind. First, most people have more than one identity (e.g., mother, wife, lawyer/dispute resolution professional, Christian, American middle-class), and identity is not situational--it carries across all situations we are in. Second, identity usually concerns relationship roles, which in turn usually meet some emotional need. Third, although identities can be diverse, there are some core elements or concerns involved in most identities:
- survival
- recognition
- dignity
- competence/effectiveness
- goodness
- worthiness of love
- freedom/autonomy/agency
- relationship/affiliation/fellowship
- purpose/the need to do good work.
Simpson argues that conflict tends to involve "attacks to autonomy, inclusion and competence to create harm through reproval, criticism, blame, demeaning comments and names." These actions or statements challenge our identity at the core elements--dignity, competence, worthiness, etc. The resultant "identity conflict leads us from well-being to depression, from hope to hopelessness, from efficacy to fear." This is because identity conversations to ourselves tend to involve "all or nothing thinking," and the "lack of middle ground creates hypersensitivity to negative feedback." Denial of the challenge, then, in turn results in "lack of growth."
It is because of this cycle that effective mediation requires that any challenge to identity be addressed, and that the mediator help with "facework," or saving/preserving face, or the dignity and identity of the participants. As long as either hears only a challenge to their identity, he or she cannot respond except in a defensive manner.
Simpson identified a number of tools or tips the successful mediator can use in "facework," and to manage the "identity conversation":
- managing the power dynamic, and the process
- creating a safe environment
- working collaboratively with the parties
- not allowing actions or comments that demean others, by threatening dignity, honor or respect
- insisting on mutual respect
- creating an awareness in the parties of challenges to identity-even address it directly
- encouraging the parties to let go of the all or nothing thinking, to integrate new information about the dispute
- encouraging the parties to trade places, to understand the effect of their actions or statements
- taking a break
- asking for help.
If you are interested in mediation or coaching services concerning identity-based or other conflicts, please contact Pilar Vaile, P.C. at (505) 247-0802 or info@pilarvailepc.com.
Sources:
ACR Workplace Section Teleseminar, Fall 2011.
Littlejohn and Domenici, Communication and the Management Difference
Littlejohn and Domenici, Communication and the Management Difference
Rothman, Resolving Identity-Based Conflicts in Nations, Organizations, and Communities
Stone, Patton and Heen, Difficult Conversations
Ury & Fisher, Getting to Yes
