As I have written previously, the alternative dispute resolution (ADR) field is a broad one, which includes among other things, mediation and conflict coaching. While I have mediated for a number of years, I am new to the conflict coaching field and continue to
learn a lot by following such notables as Cinnie Noble and Woody Mosten.
learn a lot by following such notables as Cinnie Noble and Woody Mosten.
I recently attended an excellent ACR teleseminar (Jan. 5, 2012) conducted by Cinnie, titled "Finding Courage to Engage in Conflict." Although it will involve shameless imitation, I want to write a bit here of what I gleaned from the seminar, to clarify my own thoughts on the subject of conflict coaching.
First, Cinnie explored the context in which the conflict coaching relationship arises. Typically, the client may have one of the following needs or interests:
- the clients desires to manage a communication problem he or she is experiencing with another;
- the client wants to manage a discussion he or she expects to be contentious, such as an employment evaluation;
- the client wants to manage known personal communication issues or shortcomings on a proactive basis; or
- the client is going into mediation or negotiations and wants to be better prepared.
Second, as you can see from the foregoing list, the coaching relationship is generally pretty goal-oriented, and specific. Cinnie described a framework for conflict coaching that both shapes and models the client's goal progression:
- Where is the client at?
- Where does the client want to be?
- Identify an action plan, or steps, to get from A to B.
- Bridging between today and the future: identify clients resources and needs to meet his or her goals.
Cinnie also described a great 7-step model based on the acronym of "Cinergy," which is also her trade name. As such, I'll leave it to her to describe it expressly. See http://www.cinergycoaching.com/. However, I think I can fairly say it involves clarifying the goals identified, and identifying all the elements, options and obstacles that involved in making those goals a reality. Additionally, a particularly interesting component of Cinnie's system is rehearsal, in which she has the client practice mentally constructing or visualizing how the goals will look and feel, and what skills it will require.
I had never thought of this before, and found the concept very exciting. It seems like a great technique to get clients to move beyond vague aspirations that may not even meet their needs, and towards functional goals or lifestyle modifications that are concrete, doable and genuinely congruent with their needs and interests.
As to "courage," Cinnie noted that we often have fear of conflict, and the participants brainstormed regarding common types and sources of fears:
- fear of loss--of relationship, or self
- fear of change
- fear of letting go of the familiar
- fear of challenges to identity
- fear of being vulnerable, or showing vulnerability
- fear of alienation
- fear of loss of control
- fears based on past experiences with danger
- fear of experiencing social pain--sadness, insecurity, etc.
With all these potential sources of fear, Cinnie asked us what do people need to manage conflict? Answer: they need to get courage, and a plan, and rehearsal of that plan can give them that courage, so they can then engage in conflict with confidence.
If you are interested in mediation, conflict coaching or other ADR services, please contact Pilar Vaile, P.C. at (505) 247-0802 or info@pilarvailepc.com.
